One of the requirements for an international relocation is two days mandatory cultural immersion training. We had the good fortune to have an amazing instructor who had, herself, lived overseas twice with her husband and small children. What an eye-opener those two days were, and we had them only a week before we moved! Up until that point, my main concern was for Makena and our other daughter. How naive could I be? I figured that since I had been to Hong Kong a few times before, and Charlie knew his way around great since he had been there 19 times, that we would be just fine. Great, in fact! Our training ripped me in half, and for the first time, made me terrified of the whole adventure.
A good portion of the time was spent on us and where our ideals fit in with the rest of the world. It was very interesting to see how the masses in the US versus the masses in China compared. Here is one example...the United States is a very individual-centered culture. Everything is “I”. China and Southeast Asia is a very community-centered culture. Everything here is “We”. There is no better visual of this than the masks that are worn in the Chinese culture. Being an American, I always thought that the persons donning facial masks were trying to stay well. That is what I would do, after all. Turns out, the persons wearing the masks are sick and do not want to get other people sick. Everything is for the good of the community.
Charlie got the information about sensitivities around the workplace. Less direct, must go within the chain of command, cannot talk to those more than one level above/below you, table manners, etc... I got the try one new small thing every day - on the first day, see if you can locate a grocery store and consider your day a success if you find one. Build on that every day until you start to feel comfortable and then start to join things. Join anything to try to make friends. At the time I thought she was crazy...now I get it! I am not good at sitting around, so I have tried hard to make each day as productive as possible, all the while keeping Makena in mind. Turns out, I should have just tried to accomplish only one small thing every day. My frustration level would be MUCH lower right now, I’m sure! Today I decided that I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman...I have all of this money and no one will help me! And to top it off, I haven’t *joined* anything yet, so I really have no friends. Not my favorite feeling. Our instructor said that Charlie would love it from the start and start to decline in his love for it about six or so months in...she also said that I would immediately plunge down into the depths of depression and start to increase in my love for it about six or so months in. I think she was right!
The other topic that we talked about in our training was Third Culture Kids (TCK), and how this will affect our children every day for the rest of their lives! No pressure! We are hoping that our constant involvement in our childrens’ lives will help to ease that, as we are not planning on passing them off to our helper, but who knows if that is one of the catalysts for any negative feelings. The concept behind TCK is that they have their native culture (America), their new culture (Hong Kong), and the kids use those two to create their own, third, culture. Now in our kids’ cases, they will actually be considered FCK (Fourth Culture Kids - please keep your minds out of the gutter, people!), since they have a native culture of their own (Chinese and Rwandan). There isn’t a lot of stuff out there on FCK, as it usually brings up some sites that I don’t want on my computer! We’ll figure it out as we go though. Makena is a pretty darned resilient and amazing little girl, and I know that our second daughter will be as well!
Culturally roaming...
